Free-Ass. Study: Obama Coverage Slanted Toward Obama (Who Is Awesome)

Posted: At 6 Barack a.m.

Washington D.C. -- After completing a lackluster week on the campaign trail, Republican nominee John McCain is blaming his campaign woes on the media.

"My friends, you're not really acting like my friends right now in your coverage, and if you don't stop, I'm just going to stop saying, 'my friends' before every sentence," McCain said to the three reporters covering his campaign stop yesterday in Racine, Wis.

After the announcement went out over the wire, the entire media, in a collective sigh of relief, decided unanimously (because they get together once a day to discuss how to slant news to the left intentionally and in perfect concert across the hundreds of thousands of media platforms that exist globally) to stop slanting its coverage toward Obama, the thinking being that although McCain would take the country down an ever-more-dangerous road with his shallow, short-sighted and hawkish George Bush-like elderly foreign policy, it would be worth it just to get him to stop saying 'my friends' every five f*cking seconds.

Despite the media's decision, however, FAP, which is not part of the media, but part of the more exclusive smallia, has found that coverage of the future president of the United States has been fair and balanced between the two candidates. Both Obama and McCain were mentioned an equal number of times, for example, in this story from last week's New York Times:

"While John 'Old Fogey' McCain was droning on in Ohio, Barack "His Highness" Obama was dazzling hundreds of thousands of Germans with a glittering and history-making oratory about unity among nations. Not since Abraham "the White Obama" Lincoln has a presidential candidate provided so much promise for a nation in such stark contrast to the half-dead image of John 'Moses' McCain."

Even in this article, the future president and the current old man are mentioned an equal number of times not including the "White Obama" reference as that refers to Lincoln rather than to the savior of humanity.