Gay Animals Do Not Act Gay

Posted: In the alternative lifestyle area of PetSmart

SAN FRANCISCO -- In a recent study by the Center for the Study of Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transsexual Animal Sociology at the University of San Francisco, Castro Campus, in association with the office of Sen. Larry Craig (R in name only-Idaho), researchers found that animals who prefer a lifestyle with the same-gendered animal actually do not generally "act gay."

"Acting gay" is a technical term sociologists use that refers to animals who pay particular attention to seasonal flora -- and fauna ... Roarrrrr! -- who sometimes use overly exaggerated paw gestures and who have immaculate, imported habitats.

CSGLBTAS -- or Cassglibtoss, as its known to the three people who work there -- surveyed 22,000 animals from 57 different species over three years to reach its conclusions.

"Occasionally, you'll get a male lion that avoids the bush, or a monkey who really enjoys swinging, but generally speaking, gay animals blend in to the overall population extremely well," said Devin Barry, Ph.D., who authored the study. "Because of its remote location, the one consistent exception tends to be Antarctica, especially on Friday nights."

"I'm not gay," Sen. Craig added.