Rachael Ray Announces Allegiance to Donuts, Al Qaeda

Posted: In the garbage bowl, next to the f**king E-V-O-O

NEW YORK CITY -- Dunkin' Donuts has pulled a recent TV ad that featured Rachael Ray wearing a keffiyeh -- a traditional scarf that symbolizes Middle Eastern violence to many Americans. In the ad, Ray, in her gravelly, ex-smoker, sorority-girl-sounding voice that emanates from her sick Joker mouth, claimed allegiance to "Al Qaeda and donuts. Yum-o!"

The ad was part of a Dunkin' Donuts marketing campaign for a new series of donut flavors, including "Jelly-had," "Tora Bavorian Kreme," "Powdered Envelope Cake," "I-E-Dee-Clair," "Yellowcake" and grape.

After a massive public outcry, Dunkin' Donuts shelved plans to roll out the new flavors, however, company executives said their decision had nothing to do with the Ray flap.

"These new donut flavor names were purely a coincidence," said Will Kussell, Dunkin' Donuts president and chief brand officer. "Reading anything more into these perfectly harmless names would take a real stretch of the imagination." Late yesterday, Ray tried to clarify her statements.

"What I meant to say was that the streets will run red with raspberry jelly," she explained. "I apologize for creating any confusion between delicious donuts and holy jihad."